1,000,000: The number of suicide attempts in a year

In honor of Suicide Prevention Week 2017: Remember the old Reading Rainbow children’s book How Much is a Million? “If one million children climbed onto one another’s shoulders, they would be higher than airplanes fly.” That’s how many people attempt suicide in the United States each year, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

My sister attempted suicide when I was a child. I don’t remember very much about it, but I remember my mother picking me up early from my school dance to take my sister to the emergency room to have her stomach pumped. And, I remember being scared for her, my beloved. She survived and went to counseling, and grew up to marry and have children, thank goodness.

If you have thoughts or feelings about self-harm, you might feel like you have nowhere to turn. Here are some things to know:

You don’t have to act on the feelings. You can choose how to respond or not to respond at all.

Feelings and thoughts about hurting yourself mean you need to take a deep breath, remain calm, and take self-care action. It’s important to know you will not feel this way forever. You haven’t always felt this way; you felt another way before. First, find someone you can talk to - a friend, family member, coworker, therapist, or hotline. Some things to say include that you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, if you know why you feel that way (and it’s normal if you don’t know why), if you can tell them what you need, if you don’t know what you need. If you’d rather not talk to someone you know, you can call the hotline or chat online.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Online chat at the Suicide Crisis Chat

The Suicide Prevention Lifeline has teamed up with suicide attempt survivors, therapists, crisis centers, families, and others to offer real help that works. Suicide attempt survivors have posted 100 ways to get through the next 5 minutes. Survivors also share longer activities, tried and true self-care tips, when they needs care.

If you have experienced thoughts of harming yourself in the past, or think you might in the future, it’s important to have a safety plan. Safety plans include strategies like prevention strategies, how to recognize warning signs, people you can reach out to, ways to get through immediate thoughts and feelings of self-harm, and how to stay safe in the future.

Recovering from a suicide attempt

If you survived a suicide attempt, you are survivor. Other survivors have shared their stories online, how they made it through their darkest hour, and may inspire you. Sometimes sharing your pain, and helping others, via blogging about it can be therapeutically healing. You can read others’ blog posts and add your own at You Matter.

You do matter

You are important and perfect just as you are. Let me say that again, in case you didn't hear: you are important and perfect just as you are. If you experience any of these warning signs, please reach out. If you don't experience any of these, but you feel worried you might, reach out too; it might just make you feel better.

• If you have tried to hurt or kill yourself, you are more likely to try again

• Having a friend or family member who attempted suicide

• Untreated depression (the number one cause for suicide)

• Unexplained extreme mood changes

• Feeling hopeless, helpless, or unable to picture a future with you in it

• Sleeping too much or too little

• Using drugs or alcohol

• Feeling like others would be better off without you

• Losing interest in activities

• Withdrawing or isolating from others

And if you think you might need help to feel better overall, call or email me to schedule a free phone consultation where you will be listened to and learn counseling might help. 

Thanks for reading, and be well. ~ Robin

Resources and References Used

David Schwartz, “How Much Is a Million?” Harper Collins Publishers, 1985.

“You Matter,” http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

John Draper, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

If you, or someone you know, is in crisis, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or chat http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

A special thank you to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for their invaluable resources, for their good work, and their awareness and prevention programs.

Childhood sexual trauma: What happens when the predator is your brother?

If you are alive and awake, you’ve likely read or heard about Josh Duggar, of the television show 19 Kids and Counting, molesting his sisters and a babysitter. From the television interviews, released police report, and news reports, it appears as if Josh admitted, in real time, at least 5 instances of sexual assault. While there is far too much parent bashing in the media, by Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar’s own admission, they did not report the crimes perpetrated upon their daughters and babysitter for at least 18 months, and Jim Bob, in particular, was told each time Josh molested again. Today we see more of the Duggars on television talking of their son Josh being crucified by the public, and we hear less about the victimization and repeated sexual abuse of their daughters.

Parents' Job

Josh was 15 at the time, a child, whose parents protected him the best they could. They tried to help him. That is the job of parents: protect your children and help them. All well and good. However, Josh’s sisters were even younger and more vulnerable. They needed even more protection than their brother, a predator living among them. They needed help. Michelle and Jim Bob did not protect them, and did not help them.

According to their account, and to their credit, they put rules in place like not letting boys babysit the girls, not letting them out of site, and not allowing “hide and seek.” What they didn’t do is report the sexual assault to the police, which would have stopped it. What they didn’t do is protect and help their daughters. When a predator, who by definition preys on the vulnerable, is living under the same roof as the victims, the victims are not protected. The public may never know, nor should we, in my opinion, whether and how many times Josh continued to molest during the 16 months before reporting the crimes to the authorities. But to be sure, Josh the child sexual predator had means and opportunities – parents have to sleep sometime.

Three Crimes

Crime number one is the daughters’ molestations as they were perpetrated. Crime number two is that Mr. and Mrs. Duggar did not protect their daughters, after the fact, by reporting that their young daughters were molested and removing Josh from the home. Crime number three is still happening: the Duggars are rallying around Josh, minimizing both the fact of the molestation and the impact by inserting qualifiers about it not being rape, Josh made a mistake, it happened over the clothes, just for a few minutes, and while the girls were asleep.

Child molesting is child molesting. You’re not a little bit molested. You’re molested. Whether or not their young daughters were awake, wearing clothes, or remember it, make no mistake, it has harmed them and will continue to harm them. Being molested by their brother will live with them forever. And so will their mother and father minimizing it.

What can we do?

What can you and I, as parents, do differently? Value our children, believe them, report their molester – regardless of, and especially if he is their brother in the same house; don’t minimize the crimes, pain, and impact of the trauma.

And we can call someone for help. Right now. Not in 16 months.

If you suspect your child, or a child you know, has been molested, protect them. Help them. Call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), anytime, day or night, in any of 200 languages.

If you are a child being molested, believe it and know that no one has the right to molest you. Call the Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), and then press 1 to talk to a counselor. Call anytime, day or night. They will help make it stop and give you support. All calls are confidential.

And as always, I’m here. You can reach me in Issaquah at Balance Insight, 206-790-7270.

Thanks for reading, and be well.

~ Robin