Am I normal? 4 normal feelings for adults abused as children

As a child, your caregiver had the ultimate power over your life, death, and happiness. It wasn’t safe to play, make noise, or be noticed, and your emotional and physical safety, and maybe your life, depended on your brain’s ability to pick up on tiny cues that might signal upcoming harm to you. Now, you may be fearful of things others are not. This is normal, you are normal, and you are not alone.

 

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Stomach in Knots?

If you get a tight stomach even thinking about attending seasonal family reunions, here are some tips to loosen the knots.

Arrive well rested and well fed

It’s harder to manage your emotions when you’re tired and hungry. Even though the gathering might center around food, don’t starve yourself thinking you can eat with everyone else. Eat something hearty and nutritious, like a cheese sandwich, a bean soup, or even veggie sticks dipped in hummus, before you leave your house.

Have a support person

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The 10 most common questions I get asked about counseling

Is there something wrong with me? The short answer is no. There is likely nothing “wrong” with you.

How do I know if counseling will work? If you want to learn, change, or practice something about yourself, it will work.

How do I know if it’s working? A good therapist will work with you to set goals. 

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Saying NO: 4 Steps to Telling Your Mother No

Like many women of a certain age, we’ve moved past being a rebellious daughter and into being a mother in our own families. We tell our children no when they ask for unreasonable or unhealthy things. We tell our partners no when they have unrealistic expectations. We even tell our best friends no when we need more time with our children and partners. Why, then, is it so difficult to say no to our mothers or fathers or other members in our family of origin?

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How to manage change (with less anxiety)

We are creatures of habit. We have our comfort zone established and even extroverts want that space to return to. So change is understandably hard for most of us, often causing stress or anxiety. I recently moved to a new city, both my family and my counseling practice. Along the way, I learned some things I want to remember, to help me with the next change. Maybe they’ll help you too.

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Depression: It's more than "just" sadness

Some people think depression and sadness are the same thing. Or depression and grief. Like you’re sad your kid made a bad choice at school and you wish he didn’t have to spend recess “on the wall.” Or you’re grieving because your aunt died, and she was your favorite, and you cry sometimes when you think about her. Those things are different from depression.

Depression is more about wanting to disappear, become tiny, curl up in a corner and stay that way forever. You can’t sleep but once you do you can’t get up. At all. And you feel like this pretty much all day every day.

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Getting over getting stuck

Do you ever get working on a project or idea or maybe a complex set of tasks, and it’s so perfect for you that you whiz along, adding more, going off on side tangents to make it better, cleaner, more interesting, useful, or needed? The options are endless. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, you start to feel like you just need to hold your head in your hands and make it all go away?

You might have just sped into feeling stuck.

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