1,000,000: The number of suicide attempts in a year

In honor of Suicide Prevention Week 2017: Remember the old Reading Rainbow children’s book How Much is a Million? “If one million children climbed onto one another’s shoulders, they would be higher than airplanes fly.” That’s how many people attempt suicide in the United States each year, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

My sister attempted suicide when I was a child. I don’t remember very much about it, but I remember my mother picking me up early from my school dance to take my sister to the emergency room to have her stomach pumped. And, I remember being scared for her, my beloved. She survived and went to counseling, and grew up to marry and have children, thank goodness.

If you have thoughts or feelings about self-harm, you might feel like you have nowhere to turn. Here are some things to know:

You don’t have to act on the feelings. You can choose how to respond or not to respond at all.

Feelings and thoughts about hurting yourself mean you need to take a deep breath, remain calm, and take self-care action. It’s important to know you will not feel this way forever. You haven’t always felt this way; you felt another way before. First, find someone you can talk to - a friend, family member, coworker, therapist, or hotline. Some things to say include that you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself, if you know why you feel that way (and it’s normal if you don’t know why), if you can tell them what you need, if you don’t know what you need. If you’d rather not talk to someone you know, you can call the hotline or chat online.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Online chat at the Suicide Crisis Chat

The Suicide Prevention Lifeline has teamed up with suicide attempt survivors, therapists, crisis centers, families, and others to offer real help that works. Suicide attempt survivors have posted 100 ways to get through the next 5 minutes. Survivors also share longer activities, tried and true self-care tips, when they needs care.

If you have experienced thoughts of harming yourself in the past, or think you might in the future, it’s important to have a safety plan. Safety plans include strategies like prevention strategies, how to recognize warning signs, people you can reach out to, ways to get through immediate thoughts and feelings of self-harm, and how to stay safe in the future.

Recovering from a suicide attempt

If you survived a suicide attempt, you are survivor. Other survivors have shared their stories online, how they made it through their darkest hour, and may inspire you. Sometimes sharing your pain, and helping others, via blogging about it can be therapeutically healing. You can read others’ blog posts and add your own at You Matter.

You do matter

You are important and perfect just as you are. Let me say that again, in case you didn't hear: you are important and perfect just as you are. If you experience any of these warning signs, please reach out. If you don't experience any of these, but you feel worried you might, reach out too; it might just make you feel better.

• If you have tried to hurt or kill yourself, you are more likely to try again

• Having a friend or family member who attempted suicide

• Untreated depression (the number one cause for suicide)

• Unexplained extreme mood changes

• Feeling hopeless, helpless, or unable to picture a future with you in it

• Sleeping too much or too little

• Using drugs or alcohol

• Feeling like others would be better off without you

• Losing interest in activities

• Withdrawing or isolating from others

And if you think you might need help to feel better overall, call or email me to schedule a free phone consultation where you will be listened to and learn counseling might help. 

Thanks for reading, and be well. ~ Robin

Resources and References Used

David Schwartz, “How Much Is a Million?” Harper Collins Publishers, 1985.

“You Matter,” http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

John Draper, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

If you, or someone you know, is in crisis, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or chat http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

A special thank you to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for their invaluable resources, for their good work, and their awareness and prevention programs.

Mad as Hell: 4 Ways to Sit With Anger

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“It’s safe to have anger. Anger won’t consume you as long as you manage what you do with it.”

— Robin Custer, MSW, LICSWA

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You know the feeling: maybe a headache or stomachache, narrowed field of vision, feeling white hot or icy cold. You might feel like you can’t sit still - your heart racing, and your jaw clenched.

You want to yell, cry, or kick something. If you looked in the mirror, you might see your face flushed red or drawn pale skin, narrowed eyes, and lines in your forehead.

If you survived childhood chaos, distress, or abuse, you have a lot to be mad about: screaming and feeling off kilter in your childhood, never feeling good enough, seeing or experiencing distress and shame.

Some people are angry at grandparents or other relatives and neighbors who didn’t know – or if they did know, didn’t do anything to help or keep them safe. You might be mad at the parent who didn’t abuse you – the one who was supposed to protect you. Or at your brothers and sisters who are still connected to your abuser.

You’re mad at your friends, now, today, who don’t understand and think you should just “forgive and get over it.”

You might be really mad, furious and full of rage - as well as an infinite number of other feelings - at the person who hurt you, the people who made your childhood a living hell, treated you like a thing, made you question everything about love, family, trust, and even your innermost feelings.

And you’re mad at yourself. Why didn’t you tell? Did you do something to cause it? Why can’t you just move on? When you got away, you might have left your siblings behind. You survived. You didn’t confront the person who wrecked your past, you didn’t stop him.

Four things you can do with your anger

1. Know and believe in your heart that your anger is justified. Anger is a feeling – it isn't good or bad, it’s just a feeling.

It's OK to be good and mad. You get to be angry, and can express anger in ways that don't hurt you or others. And, it's safe to have anger.

2.      Work toward forgiveness – of yourself. Ask yourself these questions:

·        Did you do the best you could at the time, for example: not telling, not making it stop, your mind protecting you by “not knowing” parts of it, leaving the family?

·        Are your friends capable of grasping? If not, do you want to continue to have relationships with them for other reasons and find emotional support elsewhere? Do you want to invest in these friends to help them understand and potentially become supports? IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

3.      Hold yourself in wonder. You survived. What stubbornness, spunk, wild streak, will to succeed, gentle soul, fierce soul must have made that possible! You are a force of nature!

4.      Set an intention – ask the universe, God, whatever you believe in that’s bigger than you, to help you notice one awesome thing each day. (Awesome - in the true meaning of the word: causing or inducing awe; inspiring an overwhelming feeling of wonder, reverence, or admiration, a sense of wonder.)

How do you sit with anger? What helps you get through it? Post below what works for you. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

If you want more, email me to schedule a free telephone consultation, where we can discuss one strategy to do anger well and find out if maybe you need more help.

You can reach me in Issaquah at Balance InSight, 206-790-7270.

Thanks for reading, and be well. ~ Robin