If you grew up like me at all, a little girl of the 60s, you were taught to be nice, kind, polite, and to follow the rules. Nobody taught us it was ok to get angry. And certainly, nobody taught us how to do anger. I cry when I’m angry. Which sometimes leads to the object of my anger assuming I’m sad, trying to comfort me, leading me to feel more anger. Yep, I wasn’t taught how to do anger either. I’m still learning. Some of us yell, throw plates, isolate, or shut down. So long as we aren’t harming anyone, our actions aren’t necessarily bad.
Anger is just an emotion, like happiness. It comes from the same place as happiness. But we've been taught it's a bad emotion or a negative feeling. The truth is, it's neither bad nor good. But it can be there to let you know that something needs your attention. Whether it's sleep, conversations, surroundings, boundaries, or something else - something needs your attention.
And it's important to listen to your anger, try to figure out what's making you angry, and tend to it the best you can. You're not a bitch, or too bossy, or uncaring, or any of those other terms used for women who lead, hold boundaries, or take charge of what you need to.
You are the perfect you, even when you're angry. You are still the perfect you.
Robin Custer, Washington LICSW